Women are constantly wondering what to do when a man becomes distant. When a man appears withdrawn, no matter how hard you try to get closer to him, you often just feel as if things are just getting worse instead of better. However, there are some very definite steps that you can take that will draw your man closer to you instead of pushing him further away. And isn’t this what you truly want to see happen?
So what is your best course of action when a man seems to be distant, inattentive, and withdrawn? Simply put, quite often our first instincts are to try to “talk” to our man about whatever is “bothering” him. So we begin to vocalize the dreaded sentence to a man, “We need to talk.” This, quite honestly, makes him pull further away because he senses your neediness. Now, you may be thinking, what is needy about wanting to know what is wrong with him? The answer is not one that you might readily understand, but is one that you need to begin to embrace if you are going to draw a man in for the long haul. Anytime your feelings are contingent upon what he is feeling, then a man begins to perceive this as needy. In other words, if when a man becomes distant, you begin to feel anxious and insecure, he begins to think that your happiness is dependent upon his doing or saying certain things. This makes him feel obligated and, believe it or not, even trapped. I know, I know – it’s hard to sometimes rationalize how simply wanting to talk about what is bothering him could make him experience these feelings, but unfortunately, that’s exactly what happens.
So knowing all of this, what should you do? First, remain calm and peaceful and happy. This might seem easier said than done, but with a little practice, it is something that you can learn to do without much effort. Take your attention away from him and his issues and begin to focus on your life and what makes you happy. You have probably been so involved with him and the relationship that you have started ignoring some hobbies or friends. This is a good time to get back in tune with both your friends and your hobbies and start to feel like “yourself” again instead of someone who is constantly waiting to see what he is going to do.
If he isn’t calling, isn’t asking you out, and has basically stopped all contact, just let it be. This is tough, but is doable if you will just remain determined to let him work through his own issues. When a man becomes distant, don’t text him or call him or ask him what is wrong. There is a time to express to him but not until he returns. And even though your biggest fear is that he is gone forever, most likely, he is not. Oftentimes, when a man becomes distant, it is one of the biggest compliments a woman can receive. If you have been seeing a man and everything has been going great but suddenly he becomes withdrawn, quite likely, he is trying to get his emotions back in check. When a man begins to care about a woman a great deal, he often pulls back so that he can regain control of his emotions. In other words, you have impacted him greatly and he feels somewhat out of control when he is with you. The only way he knows to regain control is to pull away from you. Most of the time, after a little distance, he will return. And the good news is, if you handle this period of distance effectively, he will be more in love with you than when he left.
This seems a little difficult to believe but men have verified this over and over and women whom have let him work through these emotional times on his own have often found that he returns always. Now the big question is after a man becomes distant, what should you do when he returns. This is the time that you are able to have a conversation that expresses some of what you feel.
There are actually two ways of dealing with his return, and your own particular situation will really dictate which method might be the most effective. If he has only become withdrawn for a short period of time and this is his first time doing so, and you have effectively waited until he renewed contact, then one of the best responses is to act as if you hardly even knew he was gone. This may be tough to do, but learn to “fake it until you make it.” For instance, if he calls and seems somewhat apologetic and says something like, “I’m sorry I haven’t called for awhile. I’ve been really busy with work, yada, yada, yada,” then you need to say something like, “Oh, how long has it been? I’ve felt so excited lately with my new yoga class (or whatever you have an interest in) that I haven’t had time to think about anything else.” Then, just expand on this and tell him how great you “feel.” Notice you are talking in feeling messages not thinking messages. This keeps you in your feminine mode.
Now let’s say that a man has become distant and he hasn’t contacted you for a month. After a while he calls and seems to think he can just waltz back in to your life as if nothing has happened. Or perhaps he has done this a time or two before. It is never acceptable for a man to play with your emotions, but we don’t want to say this to him, we want to “show” him it is unacceptable. There are a couple of ways to do this.
First, you should not be available immediately when he does call. If he calls today, wait a day to two days before returning the call. If he calls and doesn’t leave a message asking you to return the call, then don’t. A missed call is just that-it is not a request for a return call. After waiting the appropriate amount of time to return his call, be happy when you talk to him. However, when he asks to get together, don’t be available the first time and say something like, “I would have loved to go to the game with you on Friday, but I already have plans. How about we get together on Wednesday?”
When you get together, you might just simply say something like, “I don’t want to make a big issue out of this, but it makes me feel uncomfortable when I don’t hear from you for long periods of time. I feel unimportant and unappreciated when you do this. What do you think we should do?” You have not berated him for his actions. You have only stated how you feel. And, you have put the problem in his hands so he can “think” about a solution. Your job as a woman is to feel and his job as a man is to think.
Follow these simple steps when a man becomes distant and you will find that he begins to be much more open and talk to you about many things in his life. As tough as these steps may seem in the beginning, they are well worth it when you experience the results brought about by such actions.